It's not often I speak on a personal level on my blog; I'm not sure why, but I feel like maybe the internet isn't interested in my mood swings, rants and ramblings. Dabbling in blogging has led to putting myself out there for all to see, more than most would. However, there's a few certain things I've tended to keep to myself as the initial purpose of this blog was to focus on personal style, nothing more. As I've entered my (almost) mid-twenties I've noticed that Fox & Feather has began to develop into more of a lifestyle blog as my interests stem a lot further than the clothes I wear. Travel, food and interiors posts have started creeping their way in between the expected #OOTD's and these are something I hope to expand upon further as this blog continues. As I've grown up, I feel my blog has too.
I've hit a big transition in my life, hence why I'm writing this post.
At the end of January I lost my job with Oh My Love. To say it was completely unexpected is an understatement. I had been made redundant once before, when I was 18 years old and I worked as a barista at my local Starbucks. Back then, we were told six months previous that our beloved coffee shop would close as it had been smacked hard in the nads by the great recession at the time. But it was okay. I was still at school studying, so losing my job wasn't the biggest deal in the world. Needless to say, this time was a little different.
I've always worked and had a job. It's never been in my nature not to work. The first few weeks of February, I was at a complete an utter low point in my life. I felt ashamed, even though I had no reason to be ashamed. My depression that I had managed to keep at bay for a good few years crept back in as I cried myself to sleep almost every night. When people asked if I was okay, I lied that I was fine to save face. Every week I trudged up to my local job centre to collect my JSA allowance and absolutely despising myself as I did so. There's such a stigma attached to 'signing on' nowadays due to the ill-educated and misinformed masses, which once again had me feeling ashamed and humiliated of the situation I was in.
During this period, there was someone on my Twitter feed who negatively commented on people claiming JSA benefits, obviously completely unaware of my situation at the time. I was one of those unemployed people that seek financial help to afford to eat and pay rent that they were insulting. As you can imagine, it's naive comments like this that do not help with the self worth you are struggling with in the first place. Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to be in the position where their family are financially able to support them during their job search or whilst they attempt to make the switch to freelance, and this was the case for me.
All of a sudden, spurred on by my anger at that two second tweet, I wasn't so ashamed. After all, I was actively applying for 30-40 jobs a week and networking my butt off, so I was doing my bloody well best to not be unemployed. Every rejection email felt like a punch to the stomach, but I slapped a smile on my face ready for the next interview or over-enthusiastic cover letter I had to write up. I think it's important to talk about these not so shiny details of my life, because bloggers seem to have perfected this facade of an enviable, picturesque life. You rarely hear the nitty-gritty, not-so-Instagram-worthy deets of what goes on behind the laptop screen.
So, I came to the decision to stop applying for London based jobs and start looking back down on the south coast. I felt like I had to do something drastic. I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason and the time seems right to make that move. James and me has discussed it whilst we were away in Amsterdam as we are entirely focused on saving money right now and the cost of living is about 1/3 of what I'm paying in London!
So, that's what's happening. I'm leaving the bright lights of London, just ten months after moving back here and swapping it for the fresh coastal air of sunny Southampton. I've miraculously managed to nail myself a social media manager job that is a step up from my assistant level role at Oh My Love and I'm moving in with James. Poor boy. He'll be recruited as a full-time outfit photographer whilst living under a mountain of my clothing in no time.
Although this is all new, exciting and a step forward in my career, I'm really, really sad once again. I thought I would hate moving back home after graduating as I had developed a taste for independent living whilst at university. You may remember my Post Graduate Move Back Home post. However, moving back home was a lot easier than I first thought and I adapted a lot better than most do after the move home from university. A lot of people hate living with their 'rents, but I absolutely love living with my mum; she's my best friend, how could I not? Also, the thought of being separated from my dogs once again is absolutely killing me. After all, they're my best friends too if you hadn't guessed from my excessive photos of them on my social channels.
Basically my head is all over the place right now, guys. But that's what your mid-twenties is about, right?